Many people mistakenly believe that writing is easy. And with that mistaken belief they often write like they speak. Yet that practice rarely if ever produces solid writing. Here is a common example of how writing like speaking produces less effective writing. Observe the example shown in the cropped image. The use of the comma in the last sentence represents a common speech pattern: the pause. In speech, an effectively used pause can emphasize specific ideas or impress a desired message upon a listener.
Speaking and writing, however, are two different animals.
In writing, commas do not represent pauses as do they in speaking. Commas signal sentence construction; they indicate relationships between phrases within a sentence or between items within a single phrase (such as in a list). Depending on what those relationships are, the comma may not even be needed.
In the example shown in the image, the final phrases in the last sentence describe the methodology presented in the paper. The description has two elements:
We know these are the elements because of the use of the conjunction and. The adverb specifically identifies the second element as a subordinate element of the first; root causes of complex systems failures are a specific type of problem root causes.
Option #1: Remove the commas.
I can just hear someone in a conference somewhere reading this paper as the text of his or her presentation. Placing a comma to separate out items in a two-item list makes no sense grammatically. Commas are used to separate items in a list of three or more items. The commas here are not even needed. Thus, I would recommend removing them. The sentence would then read as follows:
Speaking and writing, however, are two different animals.
In writing, commas do not represent pauses as do they in speaking. Commas signal sentence construction; they indicate relationships between phrases within a sentence or between items within a single phrase (such as in a list). Depending on what those relationships are, the comma may not even be needed.
In the example shown in the image, the final phrases in the last sentence describe the methodology presented in the paper. The description has two elements:
- “indicating and eradicating problem root causes”
- “the root causes of complex systems failures”
We know these are the elements because of the use of the conjunction and. The adverb specifically identifies the second element as a subordinate element of the first; root causes of complex systems failures are a specific type of problem root causes.
Option #1: Remove the commas.
I can just hear someone in a conference somewhere reading this paper as the text of his or her presentation. Placing a comma to separate out items in a two-item list makes no sense grammatically. Commas are used to separate items in a list of three or more items. The commas here are not even needed. Thus, I would recommend removing them. The sentence would then read as follows:
This paper presents a manner of indicating and eradicating problem root causes and specifically the root causes of complex system failures.
Option #2: Remove the commas and tighten the sentence.
If the paper provides no more than a brief mention of the general case of problem root causes, then the paper really isn’t about the general case at all, and the writer could provide a more effective sentence by tightening it.
If the paper provides no more than a brief mention of the general case of problem root causes, then the paper really isn’t about the general case at all, and the writer could provide a more effective sentence by tightening it.
This paper presents a manner of indicating and eradicating the root causes of complex systems failures.
Again, no need for the comma.
Option #3: Use the comma in a grammatically correct manner.
However, if the writer were particularly attached the comma in this example sentence, he or she could use the comma to separate out the adverb specifically. The sentence would then read as follows:
Option #3: Use the comma in a grammatically correct manner.
However, if the writer were particularly attached the comma in this example sentence, he or she could use the comma to separate out the adverb specifically. The sentence would then read as follows:
This paper presents a manner of indicating and eradicating problem root causes and, specifically, the root causes of complex systems failures.
This option retains some hearkening of the pause pattern common to speaking while still being grammatically correct. In this case, the commas are purely optional.
Personally, I would examine the content of the paper and pursue Option #2 if it is appropriate. If it is not appropriate, and the writer insists that the focus areas in the content remain unchanged, then I recommend Option #1. Speaking and writing are two different animals, and given options I usually recommend the cleaner, tighter manner of expression. And the writer usually has options.
Personally, I would examine the content of the paper and pursue Option #2 if it is appropriate. If it is not appropriate, and the writer insists that the focus areas in the content remain unchanged, then I recommend Option #1. Speaking and writing are two different animals, and given options I usually recommend the cleaner, tighter manner of expression. And the writer usually has options.
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